Moving Forward
by jajenshadimose6012
Summary: What I wish WOULD'VE happened in Spirit Bound-I was SO PISSED at Dimitri for breaking up with Rose, so this is what I wanted to happen. WARNING:: Will have quite detailed sex in later chs.   Focuses on the SB Dimose reconcilation
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is what I think totally should've happened in Spirit Bound. That book just devastated me and broke my heart all over again with the Dimose break up. I actually wrote this long before SB came out, this was what I thought could happen. Lately, I've read nothing but sad, heartbreaking Dimose fics (no one wants to write Dimose sex for some reason. idk y, but im having sex w/drawals so im gonna put this up just for MY sake). Hope you guys like. This takes place right after Rose would've saved Dimitri-and this will actually be nothing but Dimose reconciliation and sex so you HAVE been warned. This is my Dimose sex fix-and something to make the wait for LS a little less excruciating for those who can hack it. This first ch. I didn't describe crap coz I was rlly tired when I wrote it, but the next chs. will have lots and lots of sex. Promise :) Hope you enjoy...love ya guys **

I had to, had to, _had to_ speak with Dimitri right now. I haven't been able to speak with the real him since the night he was changed and God knew I had so much I wanted to say to him.

I had no idea where the hell I was going, but I just began running. And, running. Funny, considering how pissed I had been at him for making me run those stupid laps when we first began training and now I was doing it of my own free will.

I eventually—after a zillion twists and turns and curves and bends and crap—found him, facing away from me, staring off into the sunrise. I couldn't help but smile slightly at that. He was really looking into the sun. He was back. He was my Dimitri again. Oh, God, I was so happy I felt as if I'd burst into song at any given moment.

I just stared at him as I slowly approached him, taking care to not make too much noise, not wanting to startle him or scare him off or anything like that.

"Dimitri," I eventually forced myself to say, actually making him start a little.

"Rose," his voice sounded almost pleading. "Please…go away." He averted his head, hanging it in shame.

I actually snorted. "You honestly think you can get rid of me that easily; do you not know me?"

He still didn't look at me. "You honestly think I can stand to look at you after what I did?" he challenged right back.

I decided to put off the sarcasm vibe to help lighten the mood between us. "I think you're gonna have to…because a conversation with the back of your head is not nearly as interesting, I'm afraid."

"That's not funny, Rose," he said, his voice as serious and hard-core as it had always been when he was a dhampir. God, I forgot how much I missed the sound of his voice like that. It rang in my ears, filling me with a familiar warmth and light and happiness that I thought was forever lost to me.

"Oh, good, I was going for colorful anyway," I said, with a dismissive wave of my hand. I was met with silence, and I sensed that he wasn't in the mood for my sarcasm. Damn, and that was all I really had. I couldn't do sentiment or guilt so what the hell was I supposed to do now?

"Dimitri, it wasn't you," I assured him, slowly approaching him to place my hand on his shoulder.

"That's just it," he said, shaking his head in shame, still avoiding my eyes. "On some level…it was me. I mean, it was really me."

"What do you mean?" I asked, softly, and he forced himself to meet my eyes before speaking again.

He cupped my face in the palm of one hand, shaking his head slightly and closing his eyes in regret. "God, I'm so…so sorry, Roza. I didn't mean—I never meant to hurt you; you have to know that."

"I do," I assured him, feeling the little warm fuzzies in my stomach at him using that old nickname again. Something about now just made it so different. So much better.

"I just meant that…on some level…there was some part of me that really…liked it. Not the bad of it; not the killing or the hurting you parts of it. I fought my way to the surface so hard to try to get through to you, but I just…I don't know, I wasn't strong enough."

"Dimitri—"

He now turned to face me, full-on. "Rose, please…just let me finish. Please."

I was silent, and just looked at him for further explanation.

"I didn't…oh, God. I didn't want to be Strigoi. There was some part of me that was still alive and still fighting, more so when you were around. I so wanted to speak to you and just tell you all these things that I couldn't—that you had to—"

He cut himself off. "God, I'm not explaining this well at all."

"You don't have explain anything to me at all, Dimitri," I said, fixing him with my most intense gaze, hoping that would be enough.

"Yes, I do."

"Would you really expect the same of me had the situation been reversed?" I challenged.

"Had you felt like I did…then, yes. I would very much be demanding every explanation in the book."

I held my breath at that. "How did you feel?" Oh, God, I didn't like the direction of this at all. A sentence like that didn't exactly precede hugs and kisses, if you get my drift.

"I felt…free," he said, his face looking puzzled as if he was really searching for a different term, but found none. "To seemingly have all the power in the world and be able to use it as I wanted, not as someone else ordered me to. To have everything I had ever wanted in life with no restrictions. No laws. No rules. Nothing to hold me back. I could've had you…and we wouldn't be judged or be looked down on for it. We could live the way we truly wanted. I could've given you everything you deserved. Easily. But, now, after everything—"

"We can still have that everything, Dimitri," I assured him, actually having to crouch down so that I could look into his eyes. "Nothing has changed."

"No, Rose…everything…has changed. After everything I've done, all the innocent lives that I—"

"Dimitri, for the last time, it wasn't you." I insisted, taking his face in my hands and fixing his stubborn glare with one of my own. "I don't blame you; it wasn't your fault. It was that monster who did that to you."

"Was it?" He challenged, holding my eyes to make his point. "Or was it really me?"

"Dimitri, look at me," I insisted. He did. "Had that happened to me…would you really blame me for anything I had done? For any lives I took, for any mistakes I made? Would you hate me for it and never want to see me ever again for being such a disgusting, loathsome, blasphemous bitch about something that I had absolutely no control over?"

"It's not that simple, Rose." He contradicted, shaking his head and pushing me away slightly so that he could begin pacing. "I can't explain it to you."

"All right, then explain to me what you wanted me to do? Huh, what, would you rather I just killed you? Would you rather I didn't try to save you?" I demanded, taking a stubborn stance and giving a weary sigh.

"No, of course not. I'm glad you saved me, obviously."

"Great, so what's the problem, huh? If you really were oh, so terrible, why should I have even bothered? Why not just kill you and believe you to be the evil creature you claim you were?"

He turned to face me and let out a sigh that sounded like he was fighting back tears. "I'm glad you saved me for many reasons—too many to actually list off. But, mostly I'm glad because you had to know, Roza. You had to hear it…from me. Not from that monster, otherwise I know you never would've believed it. I had to be the one to tell you."

"Tell me what?" I cried out, sick of this cryptic crap. Damn, was he pissing me off. Good times, good times, sure, but pain-in-the-ass times too.

He hesitated before approaching me. "I love you," he said, assertively, his voice strong and certain as it had been when he had told me the words in that cabin. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago, but now standing with him again, it was as if no time had passed at all. Like the past six months of my life had just been some terrible nightmare.

I just stared at him, waiting for him to go on, but he never did. So I did. "I know you do," I assured him, looking up at him, my head tilted to do so. God, he was so tall. I forgot how tall he really was. "I love you, too, Dimitri." I reached my arm up, and seeing what I intended to do, he assisted me.

He grabbed my hand and placed it on his cheek, kissing the palm of it before holding it against his skin with his own hand.

"You do," he sounded uncertain, like it was a question, but it sounded like a statement the way he spoke the words.

"Yes, I do." I hoped I sounded as assertive as I intended. "You might not forgive yourself for what you did…but I have. It's done. It's in the past. So let's not bitch about it and dwell on it, huh?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Rose, it's not that easy—"

I rolled my eyes. "Then, what do you want from me? To be honest, it sounds like you're givin' me the let-her-down-easy-before-you-dump-her-ass break-up speech and I've had enough of those for a freakin' lifetime, so let me know right now if that's what you're getting at so that I can kick your ass right here and now and move on with my life."

"No," he assured me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to him. "God. No, Roza, I'm not breaking up with you. With all the trouble you went through to get me back, I could never do that to you. You lost me once, I sure as hell would never dream of putting you through that again."

"Good," I said, firmly, though the tears already burned in my eyes.

"I just—" He shook his head, "I need you to understand everything, Rose. You need to understand everything that I've done, because you might not want to be with me once you know. And, I wouldn't blame you for that."

"Okay, Dimitri, push past the Y-chromosome just a little bit and learn that damn luxury of listening for two seconds, will you? I don't care what you did. Like I said, done is done. Can't change it. I couldn't give the slightest fuck about it, to be honest with you. You just said it, I lost you once. I'm not prepared to lose you a second time. So knock it off with the whole noble crap and let's just move on."

"I can't just move on, Rose. You might be able to, but…everything I did…it haunts me. I need you to know so that I can have peace of mind. Roza, I care about you and trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone else in my life. You are the only person I have ever been able to completely let into my life and my heart. I can't stand…keeping anything from you, no matter how much you don't care about it."

"Okay," I choked out, as he tightened his arms around me, both affectionately and to protect me from the bitter cold. Huh. What the hell _were _we doing outside; it just occurred to me that I was freezing my ass off over here. "Then, go for it. I'm all ears—that is of course, if they don't fall off."

Usually, I kept comments about being cold to myself, but right now, I kind of wanted him to see how ridiculous he was being, starting with how much he was pissin' me off by making me stay out it in the damn cold.

He reached his hand up to run his fingers through my hair before tracing my jawline with his fingertips. His fingers were warm against my skin. God, I missed that so much. I leaned into his caress, taking in as much of it as I could right now. Then, he removed his black beanie hat that he was wearing and he put it on my head for me, pulling it down to cover my ears.

"Took you long enough," he said, softly, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

"What?"

"To admit it," he said, with a small laugh. "You never admit it when you're cold; I usually have to force it upon you."

"Yeah, well, I'm dwelling," I said, with a shrug. "Sue me."

He stared at me for a long time, not saying anything, before shaking his head, and saying, "God, where do we go from here?"

I was silent for a moment, just drinking in everything about him, taking time to memorize him before speaking again. "I don't know. Forward," I suggested.

He nodded slightly. "Wherever forward is."

I took a step towards him. "Forward…is forgetting everything that ever happened. You can't blame yourself for what you did as a Strigoi; it wasn't your fault. You know, deep down, that it wasn't."

"No…I don't know that. And, that is what you refuse to understand," he said, sounding slightly frustrated, but not at me. Rather at the situation.

"Well, I know that. And, you know me. Shouldn't that be good enough for you?" I said, throwing my hands up dramatically, getting so frustrated. Why the hell was he being so stubborn about this? If he wanted to play this, God knew I got myself some kick-ass game in this department too. He was so going to lose. My stubbornness far exceeded his, and we both knew that, so why was he pushing it?

He shook his head, "You so do not understand."

"Then, explain it to me why don't you? Not like I've got anywhere to be." I said, with a shrug.

"Having…that kind of strength, Rose, and that kind of power…being able to use it my way. Not having people breathing down my neck, forcing me to do it their way. God, it's so powerful. It's so liberating. I didn't have to obey the law; I was the law. I could do as I pleased and nothing, nothing was out of my reach. Nothing but you. And, I couldn't stand that. I had to have you, I had to find some way to make you be mine. I didn't care how, even if that meant turning you Strigoi."

It was so refreshing to not hear him use the term "awaken". That meant he really was back. No doubt about it.

"Did you…did you love me?" I forced out. "As a Strigoi," I clarified when I was met with his confused expression. "Did you love me as a Strigoi?"

He hesitated before nodding slightly. "Yes…I did. It wasn't just about the sex or the power like you said, but that was a big part of it. I did want you for that, sure, but mostly, I wanted you because_ I _was still alive. I was still in there, fighting to the surface. That _thing _might not have loved you, Roza, but I did. That's why I fought so hard. I couldn't let you believe that I didn't love you. You had to know."

"And, where does that leave us now?" I wondered out loud, not challenging him, but rather just curious.

"I wish I knew," his voice was barely above a whisper. I met his eyes and he cleared his throat before saying, "If it'll make you feel better, I'll lie still while you kick my ass. Just…let me know if I need to move a little bit to the left or something, you know? I deserve it." He spread his arms out to the sides so that I could easily make a move, but a smirk played on his lips. He knew I wouldn't actually do anything.

"I'm not that pissed," I let him know, making his smile widen a little. Not much, but enough to remind me of the old days. When he would give me those smiles that I just adored on him. Rare, but oh, so worth it when he did reward me with one.

"Well, you have every right to be," he let me know, lowering his arms.

I shook my head. "If anything, I'm just mad at myself. You had no control over what happened to you, Dimitri, but I did. I should've been able to stop it. I should've had the strength to save you, but I didn't. I was too weak and look what happened. All those damn lessons down the drain, right? Sorry for makin' you look bad out there, Comrade."

Dimitri looked absolutely appalled by my words. "What…are you talking about? I have never been more proud of you, Roza. You did save me. Ultimately, you had the strength to save me. I always knew you would have the strength you needed when it came down to it. I just didn't know what it would be."

"Yeah. I saved you…too little too late, I saved you." I said, averting my eyes in shame. "I should've saved you that night…in that cave. I should've staked that son of a bitch when I had the chance, but I didn't. I let myself be dragged out by mother and left you there…to be killed. What the hell kind of strength is that?"

His fingers moved down to tip my chin up so that I had to look at him. I tried desperately to look away, but the way he held my face didn't make it easy. "I wouldn't have had it any other way."

I breathed a chuckle. "Imagine that." I tried again to turn my head, but he held it firmly in his hands.

"Rose, you don't think I anticipated that very thing to happen?" He challenged. "I knew there was a chance that something could happen to me. I talked to your mother beforehand and made her promise that she wouldn't let anything happen to you. She promised she'd make sure you got out of there. No matter what happened to me. I didn't want you to risk your life for mine. Had you come back…you would've been killed. Not turned. Nathan…" he shuddered, "…he didn't want you; he only wanted one of us. Had he captured you too, he would've killed you. That is something I wanted to avoid at any and all costs."

"What; you and Mom were planning crap behind my back? How is that fair? And, how the hell did you manage to not let her know what was going on?"

"Just cause you can't lie well doesn't mean I can't. Just made it seem like casual interest as your mentor. She knew that I cared about you more than the other students; it only made sense. I'm allowed to be worried about your welfare, Rose."

"Right," I said, my head still reeling from everything. I shook my head, rapidly. "Hey, stop changing the subject." I accused.

"What subject?" He asked.

"The… 'I'm an incompetent, weak, strength-lacking bitch for letting you be overpowered by that piece of crap douche nozzle in the first place and I should've forced myself to put those damn laps to use and be a hell of a lot faster' subject."

He laughed softly at my little rant. "Wow, your little rants just keep getting better and better, huh?"

"Noticed that, did you? Thanks, I look for ways to improve them constantly. If you have any notes, please…"

He held up a hand to stop me, and took a step closer to me. "Rose…I never…for one second thought you weak."

"Not what you said a couple months ago," I reminded him. "I couldn't help but be haunted by that. Was that really Strigoi Dimitri talking or were you really trying to come through and call me weak for not being able to save you? I blamed myself…every second of every day…for not being able to. Had I been just the slightest bit faster, had I been just the slightest bit stronger, had I created a diversion, distracted him, even if I died as a result…you never would've had to go through that. And, I hated myself for that. Yeah, it wasn't my fault, but part of me felt responsible. I should've stopped it; I should've found some way, any way to stop it. I didn't even try," I buried my face miserably in my hands and began rocking back and forth on my feet slightly.

Suddenly, I felt his arms wrapping around me in a warm embrace as he held me against him and I felt his lips on my hair as his hands began to soothingly rub my back.

Oh, damn it. If anything, that just made me feel weaker. While I used to long for this, for him to comfort me in the worst of times and assure that everything would be okay—even if it wouldn't—now I saw just how pathetic and weak that made me. And, I couldn't afford to be that weak again; not ever…ever again. No matter what. Damn it, I had to be strong. I had to. For him, more than anything else. He had lent me his strength time and time again, far more than he ever should've, and this was my time to lend him my own. Kind of hard though when my strength did not seem to exist at the moment.

"Shh, Roza…" his calming voice spoke, soothing me even more.

"Don't," I choked out, but my voice was muffled by his chest.

"Don't what?" He eventually asked.

"Don't…say anything," I insisted, "Anything you say right now is going to be to make me feel better. I can't…I failed you, Dimitri; I don't deserve your understanding and comfort right now. I deserve your reprimanding and disappointment."

His fingers traced their way down my jawbone as he tilted my head up and he waited for my eyes to meet his before bringing his lips down to meet mine. The kiss was filled with so much love and affection for me—not hungry and possessive as they had been when he was Strigoi, though there was definitely desire behind the kiss too—and he held me in his arms for a long moment, just kissing me to prove _some_ point, anyway. Kinda missed the punch line of it all. My bad.

When he finally pulled back from my lips, one hand still tightly gripped my back while his other hand rested on my cheek, his fingertips tracing my skin and he smiled slightly.

"Rose, you have a strength that I could never attain no matter how hard I fought for it. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You had the strength to get away and live because I gave that strength to you. You are not weak. I wanted you to live, so I did everything in my power to ensure that happened; I didn't care what happened to me as a result. If I lived or died. But, you…not only had the strength to live, Roza…you had the strength to save me. You never gave into me. It would've been only too easy to say yes and just let it all go."

I rolled my eyes. "You give me far too much credit. I tried to take the easy way out of all of it. I tried to throw myself off that bridge to just avoid making that decision because I knew…I knew if I didn't, if I had to face you any longer, I'd give up."

"But, you didn't," he reminded me. "You fought. You fought with a strength that is unattainable to anyone. I would not have possessed such strength, but you did. You had the strength to kill me when it came down to it. You failed, yes, but you actually drove that stake through my heart. It was hard, you didn't want to do it, but you had the strength to do it because it was what you had to do."

"Yes, and your point is...?" I challenged. "My life is all about failing. I've failed in everything my whole life."

"That's not completely true." His fingertips brushed the promise mark tattooed onto the back of my neck. "You passed every test I knew you would. Rose, you are in no way weak. You are the strongest person I know. Stronger than me. I got taken over, I was turned, not you. You fought with everything you had and you succeeded in what you set out to do, I did not. You fought and resisted me, and I know that if the situation were reversed, if I had been the one to have to see you like that and have to drive that stake through your heart—"

"You would've done exactly what you had to do," I assured him, placing a hand on his chest. "I know you, Dimitri. I endured that pain and it was hell, sure, but I know that you could never shun away from your responsibilities. You would've done whatever the situation called for. Even if that meant killing me. And, I would've ultimately been grateful."

He shook his head slightly, "Rose, you might have made some mistakes, and you might have had some weak moments, but…that's just life. Everyone is weak. Everyone does what they have to do, no matter how much it hurts. Especially as a guardian…we are expected to give up everything and be nothing more than that invisible shadow to the Moroi. Just stand there and put them first. They come first, they come first. No one has ever taken to that motto, though, as well as you have."

"Oh, you think I like it?" I said, with an appalled chuckle. "It definitely has its downsides that's for sure. And, that's my curse. That's what makes me so weak."

"Not weak," he said, fiercely. "Strong. Rose, if I had half your strength—your inner strength as well as your outside strength—I really would be the god you tend to revere me as."

"Hey, you know about that?" I asked, my cheeks starting to flush.

"I could never forget that, Rose." He looked shocked that I would even expect him to. "Knowing how highly you saw me, how much you respected me…that was the greatest compliment I've ever been given, Rose; hardly leaves easily."

I laughed. "Yeah. God, stop exaggerating. I am not quite the goddess you're making me out to be either."

"Yeah, you're better," he said, making me roll my eyes.

"My God," I mumbled.

"Rose, you think you are weak, but you're really not. If anyone is weak, it's me. When I was a Strigoi, a part of me really wanted it. I liked it, even. A part of me really resented the Moroi world for turning me into their beckon call boy and I hated having to use my abilities and gifts to somebody else's advantage. I wanted, for once, to just live for me. Not for anyone else. That's why I fought for you so badly, I guess. I wanted to just prove a point that I could get you. That we could defy that very system and be together…without anything to hold us back."

I took in those words, tired of the whole: "Who's better than who" game, and tried to figure out a way to look at this rationally. I decided to play it off as a joke. "I knew you wanted to defy the law all along; you play a good game, Comrade, but told you, you couldn't fool me for long."

He rolled his eyes, with a smirk, but he eventually met my eyes and said, "If being with you means defying a law here and there, then sign me up. Because I'm done playing by their rules. They don't like it, I'm done. I love you and I am going…to be with you. No matter what. No one can stop me now."

"Not even cowboys and Indians," I joked, and even he laughed. "I always knew you were a rebel at heart."

"You just bring it out in me," he teased, making me laugh. "Look, I'm not saying we should revolt and bring down the whole Moroi and dhampir society. I'm just saying that we should…go somewhere. Somewhere where we can run on more private terms, I guess. Where we'd have less people to judge us."

"Ah, I see, so this is about what other people think. Afraid of a little scandal? Come on, what; you haven't been in high school? My life is all about nothing but scandals. I'm just a scandalous kinda girl."

He took me by my arms to make his point. "The whole world could judge us and find us degrading and perverse, and I still wouldn't give you up. Not for anything. I'll fight a scandal if I have to and I'll fight for you till the ends of the earth, sure, but I'd much rather avoid that battle if I could."

I smiled. "Touche. I get your point. That's fine; I don't give a crap. So, what exactly…just happened?"

He summed it up for me. "Well, in a nutshell, I made some mistakes, you made some mistakes, but we're forgiving and forgetting and moving on. Pretending like nothing happened. Can we do that?"

I shrugged. "I can. I don't know about you, but…plus, you know, I, apparently, have strength that would make Superman all crazy-ass jealous so what can't we do? Let's just go with it and kick whatever ass tries to knock us down and go from there."

"I could do that," he agreed. "Nothing happened."

"Nothing happened," I repeated, shaking my head.

"The past six months never happened," he said.

"Yes, the past six months…never happened." I reiterated.

"Nothing more than a really bad nightmare."

"A really bad nightmare."

"It's six months ago," he went with it.

"Six months ago. We just got together officially. And, if I am not mistaken, a getting together another time is in order in the near future, just FYI. Not that I'm pushing or nothing, just saying. Whenever you're ready. To…make up for lost time. I love you, you love me, we're going to make this work. Plus, we've got ourselves a lot of time to kill, so what better way to kill it than to—"

My words were cut off by his lips crushing mine as his arms wrapped around me and he lifted me up in his arms.

Once I was finally able to speak again, I chuckled breathlessly. "Take that as a yes."

I felt his lips smile against the skin of my neck as he clutched me closer against his body, one hand gripping the back of my neck tightly while the other one ran down the length of my waist.

My fingers tangled in his hair as I managed to choke out the words. "Where exactly are we gonna do this...? A girl doesn't really…get off on gettin' all sex-ed up on the cold hard ground, you know?"

Hoisting me up in his arms, never breaking the kiss, he began walking us off, practically effortlessly. He kicked the door open with his foot and before I knew what was really happening, I was being tossed onto a bed and almost immediately afterwards, he collapsed on top of me, our arms and legs twining together as our clothes disappeared one by one.

Oh, God. God, this was so much more amazing than I had remembered it. God, I had missed it so, so much. I thought I was going to explode and nothing had even really happened yet.

"Roza," he whispered as his fingers started at my belly button and traced a line up to my bra. Our lips were fused together and my shirt had somehow managed to come off, and his fingertips traced the line of my bra, before working to unclasp it. Yeah, front clasp bras sure kicked a lot of ass in these types of situations, I just realized.

He slid my bra off my shoulders and it too soon joined the pile of clothes on the floor and he crushed my body tightly against his own as he continued to kiss me. He held me in his arms as he simply kissed me, doing nothing but for a good long while. God, it was so amazing. So amazing…

I would've sworn I had blacked out with how incredible the whole thing was, pretty damn sure that nothing that great could be real, yet every time he looked into my eyes, or his lips caressed my skin, or his arms tightened around me, or his voice assured me that he loved me…I knew that it was, indeed, very real.

"I love you," he breathed over and over again, most likely to assure me that I would not be waking up to find this a dream and also to assure himself that it was real. That he was really holding me in his arms and I wasn't just some figment of his imagination, as I feared he was in mine.

I returned the "I love yous" eagerly, anytime I could find in me the strength to do so, as we continued to hold each other all throughout the night, never once letting go. Not letting go for the world. Not letting go for anything. He clung to me as desperately as I clung to him, and that was something I knew we would both treasure in the hours and days and years to come.


	2. Chapter 2

I felt Dimitri's body pressed up tightly against mine, his arms holding me close against him, his lips at the nape of my neck, my name whispered from those lips. But, I still didn't dare open my eyes, not for the world. Because, I was terrified that they would open to see him either gone, or to see those haunting red eyes staring back at me. Damn it, I could not face that again. So…I kept my eyes closed.

His lips delicately traced the skin of my neck as one arm was wrapped tightly around my waist, his hand resting on my stomach, and his other hand traced down the length of my arm. "Roza…" he breathed, his lips now right at my ear. "Are you awake?"

"Mm-mm," I mumbled stubbornly, trying to bury my face in the pillow. I felt his lips smile against my ear.

He shifted slightly so that he could peer over and look at me. "What?" I whined, averting my head further. "Go away." I nudged him with my elbow. "I look all ugh." I said, making him laugh softly.

"Rose, you could never look ugh."

I waited for him to continue on, but he never did, so I jerked my head around and said, struggling to meet his eyes in this position. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No," he said, with a slight shake of his head. "This is." He gripped my shoulder tightly, rolling me over so that he now hovered over me and his lips met mine in a soft kiss, yet it still managed to be quite full of passion.

My back arched up, my body oh, so eager to be as close and pressed against his as was possible. We kissed and kissed and kissed for a good long while, not doing much else really. Just holding each other and kissing, and treasuring every second we had together. Having lost times sure as hell was worth the making up for it, I tell you.

My arms wrapped around his waist, my hands exploring and memorizing every crevice and contour of his back, and as he would shift his weight against mine, those well-earned muscles of his would ripple slightly against my hands, and I would clutch desperately at them, digging my nails hard into his skin.

My legs hitched themselves up and around his hips and as he would intensify the kissing and the pressure and speed with which he moved against me, my hips would buck up against his in response.

At one point, he pulled away from my lips for the briefest of moments, placing his hand on the pillow beside my head, using his hand as leverage to support his weight. My hair was sprawled out across the pillow, and his other hand tangled in that hair before he brought it over to caress my cheek softly.

His forehead rested against mine and he had trouble speaking, with how hard he was breathing. "That enough for you?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I kind of forget why he did that, aside from the obvious.

"You are not, nor have you ever been, nor can you ever be ugh." He assured me, as he trailed his parted trembling lips across the skin of my other cheek. His breath felt so good against my skin. My eyes fluttered open and shut in delirious ecstasy and my head turned slightly from side-to-side.

"That is a strong argument," I eventually managed to choke out, struggling to not let my words be affected by my breathing, but a whimper did manage to escape my lips. Damn it. So much for being strong.

"I…love…you." I could feel his mouth shaping the words against my skin, but he never actually spoke them. His lips eventually found their way to my neck, though, where he began ravaging every inch of my skin.

Wanting more assurance, and to prove him that no matter how hot he was, I could still kick his ass if I wanted to, I gathered up all the strength I could and used the full weight of my body to flip him over. The landing was actually quite clumsily done, and I grunted with the effort it took, as I collapsed weakly onto his chest.

Still trying to figure out what had just happened, he still managed to find my attempts quite funny, and his chest shook with how hard he was laughing. He was laughing so hard that I actually shook with him.

"Hey." I pointed an accusing finger at him. "Not funny."

"Sorry," he choked out, in between his fits of laughter. "You're just so cute when something doesn't happen the way you want it to. My guess was you wanted to look all bad-ass with the pinning me down, and you wound up looking a little on the clumsy side."

"Oh, shut up," I said, smacking his chest with my hand, but I nestled against him to negate it. "I'm not clumsy. I'm just not as on my game today as I would've liked. You do that to me, so if anyone's at fault here, Comrade, it's you."

"All right, fine. You really are bad-ass and everyone knows it. That was my bad."

"And...?" I pushed.

"And, what?" He seemed confused.

"And, what else?" I said, in an obvious tone, "I mean, come on, I've had to go a whole six months without a decent compliment from you. Carry on. Tell me how utterly and fantastically wonderful and hot and amazing I am." I gestured with my hand for him to do so, before resting my forearm on his chest and my chin on my forearm, as I looked into his eyes.

He laughed. "Right. How could I forget?" His fingertips brushed their way up and down my back, feather light against my skin, yet still oh, so powerful and amazing. "First of all, I don't really like the term hot. I find it degrading."

"Well, I think it very accurately describes me, "I said, insulted by his reluctance. "I think I am the sexiest bitch to ever walk the face of this earth, wouldn't you agree? Every other man who has ever laid eyes on me would."

He rolled his eyes. "Every other man who has ever laid eyes on you is hardly worthy of you for that very reason."

I snorted. "And, you think you are? I mean, you are, but cocky much?"

He shrugged. "Landing me a woman as beautiful and amazing and wonderful and perfect as you, I've got every right to be."

"Ah…" I kissed his pec softly. "Just beautiful?"

He rolled me over so that he now hovered over me and his hand slid its way up my waist to rest on the side of my breast, and I was rewarded with one of those smiles of his that I loved so much. He caressed my hip with the back of his other hand.

As he slid up against me, he made sure the skin of his waist glided across the inside of my legs, and I tightened my legs around him, eager to feel every little inch of him.

God, I could not take him in enough. Even actually having sex with him was not enough for me; it didn't seem like enough closeness for me and God knew that if we had anymore proximity than we had right now, we would be so much the same person that we would be mistaken as Siamese twins—or conjoined twins, whatever the hell it is they're called.

"You are…so much more than beautiful," he assured me, his voice very strained by his ragged breathing. "In fact the mere word beautiful sells you so short, it should be a crime. All I can tell you is that…you take my breath away…every minute of every day, by merely existing."

I rolled my eyes. "I said compliment me, not suck up, Shakespeare. The corny speech was hardly necessary."

He did that cool one eyebrow thing and I smacked my lips in irritated protest. "Damn it, how the hell do you do that stupid thing? I swear to God, I'm the only person who can't do it in the whole universe; do you know how frustrating that is? Come on, you're supposed to teach me stuff; can't you teach me how to do that too?"

"Do what?" His eyebrows now furrowed in confusion, as he tried to understand what I was talking about.

"That…cool…one eyebrow thingy. I can never do it; it pisses me off. Everyone can do it but me." I tried desperately to do it, but knew that either both eyebrows were raising or my face was just distorting itself into an uber retarded expression with my lame-ass, unsuccessful attempts.

He laughed, probably at the expression on my face, and he brought one of his hands up arching up one of my eyebrows for me with his thumb. "There you go," he said. "You're doing it."

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't count." I pushed his hand off. "I mean, like, teach me to really do it."

"It's not really something you can teach," he said, with a smile. "Sorry. Maybe more practice with it," he suggested.

I grimaced. "Nah. I don't wanna do it that bad. It's just kinda frustrating, you know?"

"Everything frustrates you," he pointed out.

"Oh, kiss it; that's so not funny."

A strange look crossed his face as he lowered his head until his lips touched the skin of my breast bone. His lips lingered on my skin for a moment longer than was truly necessary, not that I minded. Didn't mean it literally, but if he wanted to take those words literally, then by all means…

I stopped breathing momentarily, waiting to see what he would do next. God, the anxiety was killing me. I know they say the anxiety is sometimes even better than the kiss or act itself, but I found that to be total crap. It's also sometimes just plain frustrating. It pissed me off; I didn't like having to wait.

Huh. He might've been onto something about the whole everything frustrating me concept. Not that I really gave the slightest damn, anyway, but nonetheless.

His lips parted and he began to trace a slow, tantalizing line right down the middle of my chest down to my stomach. His hands clutched desperately at my hips and he shifted me to make it easier in this position, and his lips pressed hard against my belly button.

Every inch of my body was bursting into flames with how amazing this all felt. He wasn't even doing anything really, but it felt like I might just reach _my_ climax right here, right now. God, I had problems.

I pressed myself closer against him, my hands traveling across his skin, making their way up and down his chest and his waist and arms and around to his back. God, the feel of his skin on mine was just beyond phenomenal. Everywhere his skin connected with my own brought with it a fire that just swallowed and consumed me until I was about to die. Fire exploded between us—our lips, our bodies, our skin. God, he was everywhere. I was everywhere.

"Dimitri—" I breathed his name, as he pulled away from me to look into my eyes. I struggled to keep my eyes open so that I could meet his gaze, but dear God, was it hard with the way he was looking at me. He should not be able to turn me on so damn much with just one freakin' look, but that fire that was already surging its way through me exploded, and suddenly my whole mind was everywhere.

He moved up so that his face was mere inches from my own and he cupped my face in the palm of his hand, regarding me with the most affectionate expression he had ever used on me. It was filled with all the pain and regret he felt for hurting me and for doing all that he had done in the past six months, as well as the love and admiration he felt for me.

He shook his head slightly before leaning down to press his lips lightly against my cheek. He kissed it, but never removed his lips, letting his lips linger there as he spoke. "God, Rose, I am so sorry."

I rolled my eyes, "All right, you've gotta stop with the whole guilt trip already, Comrade. I already said it's all cool. Really." Well, not really, right now it was all really uber hot, but I decided not to ruin the moment by mentioning that little factor. "Besides this whole whiny emo bitch thing you've got goin' on is really not an attractive color on you." I pointed out, making him smile slightly, but it was still filled with pain.

"Sorry," he muttered, and I cut him off immediately.

"Ah! Do not…say that word. You are not allowed to say the word 'sorry' ever again, okay? You can think it. I don't wanna hear it. You just…keep it to yourself, huh?"

His smile widened. "Fine. I apologize—"

"Hey!" I smacked his arm. "What did I just say? Nothing at all in the sorry vicinity, okay? You wanna brood, you do it on your own time. Don't involve me. Sexy as it might be, I prefer not to be a part of that particular sexiness, if you don't mind."

"Since when do you have a preference in which sexiness you participate in?" He challenged, a suggestive smirk playing on his lips. Oh, dear God was it hot. Even hotter when he reached down with his other hand and grazed my thigh, which began trembling at his touch. Oh, damn.

"With you, I don't really…I just…don't exactly get off on guys that whine about crap, you know?"

"Right," he said, "and that's exactly what got me off about you." He kissed my lips softly before pulling away and moving down against me so that he could gently wrench my legs open. His eyes never left mine, his smirk never leaving his lips as he did so.

"I think I know what gets you off," he practically growled, turning me on even more, as he slid up against me in between my legs. He held one of my legs in his hand, his hand clenching passionately at my knee, his nails digging in deep to my skin. He lowered his head to the inside of my leg so that he could gently bite the skin there, dangerously close to something else, making me practically burst into actual flames right there.

Oh, my_ God_, did he know what got me off. One of my hands went searching for him, my fingers burying themselves into his hair and guiding his head up so that his lips skimmed across the skin of the inside of my thigh.

My other hand clenched desperately at the sheets just to have something else to do as I arched myself up against him, eager to be closer to him.

His lips skimmed across my hip as his other hand enclosed around my other hip, and he squeezed it gently.

"Oh, God," I cried out, moving myself against him so that he shifted upward, applying all the right pressure in all the right places. And…orgasm.

Nah, just kidding, not yet, but I was pretty damn close to it. _Really_ damn close to it. Oh, my dear sweet God…new realms of pleasure…oh, God…oh…God…

God, if he did not get inside me right now, I was going to—

That thought was completely cut off and I nearly blacked out as I felt him bury himself inside of me, holding me even closer in his arms and shifting himself up against me. And, that right there, set it off…

Within seconds, we had both reached what had definitely been the best orgasms of both of our lives. Or mine anyway, couldn't exactly speak for him, but I thought it safe to say that it definitely made it into his wall of fame.

I bit my lip to keep from screaming out in ecstasy, but as I felt him release himself into me, I kind of lost it and even the biting my lip was not enough to stop the scream.

I clutched him as close to me as I could get, holding him in my arms and rocking myself hard and fast against him as he was doing to me.

He took his time making his up against me until he reached my lips, and then he captured mine with a passionate and possessive kiss, yet it held the love and affection he felt for me too, as opposed to kissing him as Strigoi. God, I forgot how amazing it felt to kiss him like this.

We kissed and kissed and kissed, holding each other all the while, never ever stopping. God, not for the world. I had forgotten how good it felt to hold him in my arms like this. Something about it this time was just so much more intense, more powerful. My God, if our relationship grew anymore intense or powerful, we'd both just randomly explode and die one day, I was pretty sure of it.

I reveled in the way his skin would heat up anywhere I would touch it with my fingertips or my lips. Any time he would look at me, I would see pure ecstasy, yet I also saw the love behind it. His skin grated against mine, creating the best friction ever; his lips and hands caressing my skin and his arms holding me against him like he was just as desperate to get more of me as I was of him.

It went on and on and on until I finally collapsed back against the pillows, my chest rising and falling rapidly with my ragged breathing, my arms still weakly wrapped around him, since I had kind of just lost all of my strength. His lips were pressed against the crook of my neck, and when he finally pulled away, he wrapped his arms around me and collapsed right at my side, so that he was looking into my eyes.

His hands were caressing the skin of my back and arms and he pressed his lips lightly against mine, before resting his forehead against mine.

"God," I breathed, turning myself slightly so that it was easier to face him, "is this for real?"

He smiled. "I'm pretty sure it is. It has to be."

"Why's that?" I wondered, looking into his beautiful dark eyes that I had grown to love a hell of a lot more these past six months.

"Because, this right here…is better than anything I could've dreamed as a Strigoi. The real thing with you is always so much better. This is way too good to be a dream. Believe me, kissing you as a Strigoi had been…beyond amazing, but this…goes even beyond that."

I blew a raspberry. "What the hell are you talkin' about; what, Strigoi don't get erections?"

He laughed outright. "Well, that. Yeah, I guess you can say we do, but as you thought I was more turned on by the idea of power and blood than by you, yourself."

I smacked his shoulder. "Hey! Blasphemy! God! That's it!" I turned away from him abruptly. "I'm not putting out no more."

He chuckled softly as his hand made its way down my waist to my hip. "Sure you're not."

"No!" I insisted. "I'm not. What the hell kind of moron doesn't get turned on by me? I mean, hello. Rose Hathaway, here. Men have been known to call me the epitome and very reason of sex. Sex was made…in _my_ image, after my damn likeness, I mean—" I scoffed. "What the hell's the matter with you?"

He kissed my shoulder. "I didn't say you didn't turn me on at all. You did. You were the only one who had any power at all over me as a Strigoi. You were the only person who I actually looked at as something more than a blood source. I saw you sexually as well and my God, that was nearly enough to bring me to my knees, even as Strigoi."

I snorted. "You sure you didn't mean to bring me to my knees?"

"Rose!" He sounded appalled.

"Oh, don't sound so freaked out by it; I know you were thinkin' it, Comrade. I mean, come on, I've had many guys claim that I had oral-ized them up right nice just to improve their reps with the chicks."

"What?" He sounded reluctant to believe me. "Yeah, right, when?"

I shrugged. "I don't wanna talk about fifth grade; it was a very hard year."

I turned around to see him staring at me, looking utterly appalled. I snorted. "I'm kidding. But, God, I'd give my life for a camera right now; your face is freakin' epic."

He rolled his eyes. "So not funny. Like you could really have sex in fifth grade."

I smiled suggestively. "Just cause you didn't, doesn't mean others don't. Besides, I was 11; he was 18. Big difference."

He looked at me, clearly not amused. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

"What?" It hit me then. I didn't even mean to; I had just accidentally managed to use a 7-year-age difference. "Hey, how 'bout that?" I said, with a laugh, shoving him slightly, before nestling into him. "Oh, please. Like it really matters."

"Well, it does…technically. I just can't bring myself to give a damn. If that makes me a bad person then…sue me, I don't know. But, I won't give you up, no matter what they throw at us. If we have to steer clear of the whole Moroi/dhampir world, then so be it. That's what we'll do."

"Really?" I sobered up, as I looked at him to try to assess his expression and see if he was serious. He appeared to be.

He nodded. "Really."

"You're not a bad person," I said, shaking my head. "And, no one thinks you are."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when I went back to the Academy…I don't know, Alberta, she knew. I don't know how but I could tell she knew about us. And, she didn't seem judgmental or holier-than-thou about it either. She seemed concerned and worried for us. She seemed supportive."

He rolled his eyes. "That's only because I was technically dead and there was nothing to be done about it. Had I been around we both would've had ourselves a nice a great deal of hell to pay."

"You think so," I asked, not bringing myself to look in his eyes, scared of what I'd see there.

"Yeah," he mumbled, before clearing his throat. "I do." His voice sounded strained, like he was considering something intently.

"What is it?" I eventually asked, the suspense killing me.

He shook his head slightly, but spoke anyway. "I was thinking…we can't go back, Rose. Not really, not ever. We'd always be looked down on and no one would ever take us seriously again."

"No one's ever taken me seriously anyway," I reminded him, "I'm used to it."

"No, Rose, you don't understand. A scandal as big as this…might be enough to get us removed from the guardian world altogether. Lissa would be taken away from us. You couldn't guard her; they wouldn't let you. She'd be given to someone else."

"Over my dead body," I said, through clenched teeth, pissed off at the mere thought of it. "No. No, they can't take her away from me; I won't let them. They'll have to kill me first; I am supposed to protect her. It's my job."

"Shh…" he ran a hand over hair to calm me, sensing my sudden tension and knowing what followed that. Usually recklessness and really bad decisions. "Roza, calm down. They won't take her. We won't let them, I promise. But, you see why it would be better to just avoid that whole world altogether and just not go back."

I considered that, before rolling him over and saying, "I think that I really don't wanna think about this right now. I need to just enjoy whatever little time of pleasure and peace I can get."

He smiled slightly. "Rose, I don't think—"

"You're right, you don't. You're a man, and all men can't think much without the use of their other brain, so let's put that thinking to use for a while, huh?"

"Rose—"

"Shut up!" I said, lowering myself on top of him so that my lips reached his. "I don't wanna hear it," I breathed before deepening the kiss.

When I finally pulled away, he tried yet again to stop me. "Rose, I'm not kidding—"

"I said shut up and let me violate you, Comrade. It'll be pretty painless, promise. Plus, it'll make us both feel better."

I slid my body down against his, smiling as I reached his legs and I pulled them apart, before going to make up for hitting him in his misters before.

He stiffened up, seeing what I intended to do. "Rose, what are you—what are you—what are you doing?"

"What do you think; showing you how oral sex from me can change a man's life and make him see everything in a whole new light. I'm just that damn awesome."

"Rose, no, don't!" But, it was already waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too late as I had already slammed my head down onto him, swallowing him whole and proving my point to him, as he choked on a cry of ecstasy. "Oh, God," I heard him mumble.

Urging me on even further with those words, I sensed his giving in and just freakin' went at it, my lips and tongue and teeth working in the most perfect of synchronization to give him the best blow job I know _I_ had ever experienced. Yeah, my first, but seemed like the best in history, if I was being honest and his screams and cries of my name certainly suggested that it came pretty damn close, if not right on the dot.

I drank him down until there was absolutely nothing left, and I had certainly sucked the very life out of him with that mere act, or so it would seem, considering that when I pulled away, he seemed pretty damn dead. I took that as a good thing, considering he kept mumbling my name deliriously.

I waited for him to stop trembling before bringing my lips up to his and kissing him. He moaned slightly, his tongue entering my mouth and exploring everything I had to offer him, but he never actually said anything to either express gratitude or resentment for what I had done.

When I pulled away, I laid myself against his chest, in between his legs, which I was pretty sure had gone numb—dear God, I kicked ass in every area of expertise there was, huh?—and I actually had to grab his arms and wrap them around myself, since he didn't seem to have the strength to do so.

I chuckled softly. "I win," I practically sang, kissing his pec before allowing my eyes to flutter shut and the lack of sleep finally took its toll on me and before I knew it, I was blacking out, remembering nothing after having his arms around me and lying on his chest.

And, win I did. We both did. Nothing could've beat that; it had definitely changed the both of us. He never did regain the capability to speak for a good long while and I'm pretty sure I never did regain the capability of consciousness for a good long while, myself.

But, oh dear God, was it oh, so, so worth it.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't long before I realized that I was stuck inside a dream. Not just any dream, but an _Adrian_ dream at that. We were on a beach somewhere, seagulls flying all around, wave upon wave crashing down upon one another until it reached the shore. Sunset. Oh, dear God, was this his way of proving his lame-ass self to me or something? What the fuck; he couldn't give me one night to myself so that I could enjoy the company of Dimitri alone?

"Oh, for the love of God," I sighed irritably. "Will it never end?"

He stepped out from behind a palm tree and said, with his usual sardonic smirk, "I sure hope not. Hey, you might be back with Belikov, but a man can still admire the view, can he not?" He tapped my nose with his fingertip.

I glared at his finger. "Keep this crap up, the only view you'll be admiring will be the wondrous view of the insides of your eyelids, Ivashkov."

He chuckled softly, as amused as ever. "Oh, please do, little dhampir. We both know I'd see nothing but the lovely Rosemarie Hathaway in all her glorious nudity behind those eyelids until the day I died."

I smiled pleasantly. "You picture me in all my glorious nudity, Adrian, your life will hardly last you a day longer. I give it a good five minutes. If you're lucky and I'm feeling damn generous."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Best five minutes of my life. God, it'd be so, so worth it. Besides, you think I don't think about that anyway without outside help from you? Thoughts and fantasies of you constantly plague my mind, it's a wonder I don't constantly walk around with an erection." He hesitated, looking down slightly, before smirking suggestively. "Nope, that's not entirely true either."

"God!" I smacked his arm irritated. "Let me out of here."

"My God, Rose, so impatient. You never let these dreams get good, you're always just so antsy to get out. Maybe if you'd give me one shot to make all your dreams come true."

I smiled slightly. "Great. Shoot it up your ass, why don't you; and get the hell off of mine." I turned around and stalked away, tossing my hair in an irritated manner, hoping I didn't look like an immature child with no other options.

"Rooooose…" he practically sang, to call my attention back to him, but I ignored him, struggling to walk through the damn sand. I was barefoot—go figure—and I hated the feeling of the sand getting stuck in between my toes. I felt all gritty and gross. God.

The sand was uneven, so I had to concentrate to keep my balance, holding my arms out as I walked, making it easier on myself. I made it a whole three, four feet before I felt something crash into my side, pushing me into the ocean, throwing itself in with me.

Son of a bitch, he so didn't—

Oh, he _so_ did. I came back out of the water, coughing and spluttering, my nose and eyes burning with the salt water that he did not prepare me for, which by the way stung like a bitch.

"Adrian!" I choked out, spitting out water and coughing, grimacing at the nasty taste of salt, sea weed, and dead fish in my mouth. Dear God, what a bitch. "Ugh-gh." I stumbled over the word, shuddering at the taste. "I should kick your royal ass right here, you son of a bitch."

He laughed outright, not even thinking twice about approaching me and wrapping his arms around me in an embrace. I pulled at his arms, trying to release myself from his grip. "Get away from me!" I warned.

"Nuh-uh," he reminded me. "Technically, this is my dream, little dhampir. You leave when I allow you to. Until then, I've got the power. I just merely hand out a little here, and a little there to you when I'm feeling generous myself."

"Adrian, I swear to God—" I tugged desperately at his arms, and he finally let me go, still laughing. "Let me out of here already."

"No can do, Rose. You see, the only way to see my lovely Rose Hathaway now that her super sexy, super kick-ass boyfriend is back…is through her dreams. You're kind of avoiding me otherwise; at least here you can't dodge me. You have no say in the dodging here. I am in complete control of that factor, I'm afraid."

"Well, you better spare some of that damn control, Adrian, cause in the real world, I can take your ass on like you would not believe."

"Oh, God, could you please?" He said, excitedly, moving closer to me.

"Oh!" I cried out, jerking away from him. "Ew, no! Adrian, you let me go or I will hunt you down and kick every little square inch of that gorgeous, royal ass of yours, I don't care how many guardians you've got covering your butt."

"I'm only interested in one guardian covering this gorgeous ass of mine, Rose." He reminded me.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, this one guardian is already taken, Adrian, and you know that…in every damn sense of the word."

He shrugged. "I know. I've come to terms with that. Doesn't mean a man can't have his fun though, does it?"

"Define fun," I said, appalled by his implications.

He smirked. "Why don't_ you_ define fun, little dhampir, since you seem to have quite a very different sense of the word than I do. Please, I would like to know what you say my limitations are, because if you say the word, the possible unnecessary bounds I'm drawing for our relationship just might very well be crossed."

I scoffed. "God, Adrian, what the hell do you want from me?"

He shrugged again. "Just to talk."

"So do it in the damn waking world, why don't you, huh?" I challenged.

"Maybe cause you haven't graced the damn waking world with your presence since you got your man back. I don't know what you've been doing exactly, but I'm inclined to believe that had I been there, I'd find myself a whole new free porn source."

I shoved him back, making him actually stagger and slip and fall. "You're disgusting." I let him know, going to stalk on past him, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me down with him.

"God!" I screamed, growing quite frustrated. Okay, if I killed him in these damn dreams, would that release me so that I could go back to myself or something?

Adrian snorted. "I guess you could call me that too, if you really insisted. All the other women do. In fact, it's actually another name for Adrian Ivashkov; it's quite flattering."

"You need a lot less flattering in your damn life and a lot more humility. God, what is the matter with you?"

He grimaced suggestively. "Nothing, in fact I work quite well. Something you'd learn if you'd give my boys a chance to do their thing, huh?"

I nudged him with my elbow and crawled my way out of the water, going as fast as I could so as to avoid him. God, why did he insist on pissing me off so bad? If I only had some way to bribe the man…

"Oh, my dearest little dhampir…you cannot escape me oh, so easily, I'm afraid. Not without my say so." He caught up to me eventually, grabbing my arm and spinning me around and pulling me into him.

I stiffened up, certainly feeling uncomfortable in this situation. "Okay, Adrian, tell you what. You let me go…right now, and I'll…find you and talk to you in the waking world. I mean, talk to you like in hard-core depth. I'm talkin' deepest of depths, spilling our guts, pouring our hearts out, crying on each other's shoulders, the freakin' works."

"In deepest of depths, huh?" He suggested, with a smirk, pressing closer to me.

"What…is it with you people?" I demanded, jerking out of his arms and falling back onto the sand. "You…damn…men…always looking for a chance to show up the nearest freakin' tree with a game of my wood's much better than yours, so suck it or whatever?" He opened his mouth and, knowing what to expect, I held up a hand to stop it. "Comments to yourself, peanut gallery, if you will. I don't wanna hear your damn fantasies of me, all right?"

Now, regarding me with utmost seriousness, he smiled slightly and said, "Rose, my deepest darkest fantasies of you…merely involve you confiding in me. You know, letting me talk to you. Is it so difficult for you to just…sit still and listen to someone else speak for a change?"

"If it's you, then hell yes, damn near impossible." I nodded frantically, hoping to get my point across.

He laughed softly. "Rose, relax. I won't go all Shakespeare on you and talk about my damn hand on your cheek or whatever the hell it is that impotent pathetic little sap rambled on and on about. I just want you to know that I'm okay. I really am. With everything."

I patted his shoulder. "Good to know. I'm glad. Thanks for letting me know. Now, let me out of here."

"Wait, Rose. I don't wanna talk here exactly because I wanna speak to you actual-face-to-actual-face, not virtual-face-to-virtual-face. But, if you could, when you do wake up, or when you find the time…come talk to me. Please. Just talk. Promise. I just…want you to know why. You have to know why. Come on, you've got to be the teensiest bit curious as to my reason considering how hard I persisted when I could've had any woman I wanted."

That was true. I was curious. But, I didn't want him to know that. So, I rolled my eyes and said, "Okay, fine. Promise. I'll look you up. But, first things first, you've got to let me out of here."

His hand reached out to touch my cheek and I smiled slightly, hoping he didn't see me as a total bitch. I didn't mean to be, really. He did mean a lot to me and I wanted him to be okay with everything, but I didn't want him get hurt in the process by any means and I failed to see how any man could possibly be okay with the concept of not having me. I mean, good God, I know I'd kill myself if I had to go with not having me.

My eyes fluttered shut and when they opened, his face had distorted into looking very similarly into Dimitri's. Oh, God, what the—

I jerked back and blinked, to try to clear the delusion, but if anything it got worse, as he leaned in to press his lips to mine. "Roza…" the distorted voice of Dimitri called to me, as the kiss deepened and recognizing the warm familiarity of it, I allowed myself to return it as fully as I could before—

"Roza, wake up," Dimitri's voice was clearer and closer to me. It was so close, it was nearly tangible.

I shifted in his arms, shifting myself against him, and realizing where I was and what had happened, I allowed my eyes to open.

I was still lying against him, he was holding me tightly in his arms, and my head was against his chest, my lips pressed against the skin of his pec, my hair sprawled out across his skin, actually draped over his arm, as he had been running his fingers through individual strands.

And, I had just—oh, God—stupid…Adrian. Putting me in the damn ocean for that damn dream and then Dimitri all of a sudden certainly brought me out it a little wetter than I had anticipated myself to be. Oh, dear God…

"Oh…God…" I dragged the words out, both in my ecstasy and my realization of what had happened, and I made to pull away from him, a little embarrassed admittedly, but he clutched me close to him.

"Who said you could get up? You aren't going anywhere." His voice was so damn assertive that I swear to God, I almost gave in and stayed in his arms right then and there, but remembering the cause for this damn thing brought me back to reality.

I grimaced slightly, very much regretting having to say my next words. "Sorry, but I kind of have to go. God, do I so not want to; I wish I could stay here and just sex your ass up right nice forever, but I kind of got places to be. I need to talk to—Adrian."

"Adrian," he repeated, sounding unsure of what to really think. "Right. Adrian. He came with you to search for me. Hardly a wise decision, I must say."

I chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, before saying, "Don't worry, it was nothing more than a back-up plan in case you insisted on killing someone close to me, you know? Better him than Liss anyway."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" He sounded slightly hurt by the insinuation.

I shrugged. "Not really. Ironic, sure, but not so much with the funny. What I meant was that…yeah, we tried to have a little something to just—I don't know, help me or whatever. You know, the whole comfort thing. You damn guys will use any line to get yourselves a girl, I swear. But, that's all. I just…he wants to speak with me. About the whole where we stand issue. Dear God, kill me now."

I made to get up, but he grabbed onto my shoulders, pulling me back down, and saying, "Actually, um…I think I have a few words that I need to trade with the man myself." He released me, laying me on my side beside him before sitting up, sitting on the edge of the bed and beginning to redress himself. Damn, that should so be illegal. I made a mental note to burn all of his clothing later on.

"Um, words...will be all you trade with the man, yourself, right?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow, and looking up at him, though his back was to me. God, that back was so amazing. His muscles rippled with the slightest movement, or breath, or anything. I resisted the urge to touch it, knowing that if I did, neither of us would be leaving again for a good long while.

He turned back around, making me avert my eyes from his back, having to look him in the eyes. He reached back to smooth down my hair with a hand, before pressing his lips to my hair. "Don't worry, Roza, I won't spar with him or anything, I promise. This will just be a friendly conversation expressing whatever gratitude I can, you know? Sure, I might have a bone to pick with him, but I'll be picking a bone with myself for what I did a lot longer, so his bone can wait."

"Yeah," I snorted, "you ain't kiddin'."

"What was that?" He asked, hearing me. Crap. Damn his dhampir hearing; it was still pretty damn sharp, I noted.

"Oh, nothing." Last thing he needed was to know the sexual innuendos the man was obsessed with making with me. "Just, uh…try not to intimidate him or anything. Be somewhat nice, but please feel free to trade insults if you feel the need. Believe me, his ego can afford a freakin' slam and if anyone could do it, I know I can count on you."

He chuckled again, before pressing his lips to mine. "No slamming will happen, Rose, I promise. This is hardly an ego competition. Yeah, I don't trust him since his reputation is hardly great, but you do and that's enough for me. Besides, your reputation was quite bad when I first met you too, but lo and behold even you, of all people, can change."

"That is a miracle," I pointed out.

He smiled and nodded to me in acknowledgement. "Besides, you know, I don't think it'd be very good for you to go anywhere for a good long while in your current, uh…condition here. I think it's safe to say you need some time to recover."

I frowned slightly, before muttering, "Ah, bitch," and burying my face in the pillow, hoping he didn't catch my humiliation. He laughed, but I don't think it was for that particular reason; it didn't sound mocking really, just amused.

"Oh, Roza…" he murmured, his lips still in my hair. He pulled away just barely and brushed my hair away from my forehead to press a kiss to my temple, letting his lips linger there for a moment, before pulling away and saying, "You take your time. Reckon it'll take you quite a while to recover."

He was silent as he pulled completely away and I heard him moving about the room as he got dressed and he didn't speak again until he was about to leave. His voice issued from beside the door. "Oh…I highly recommend reading one of my Western novels. They're in my bag in the corner over there. Works wonders with those recoveries…believe me."

I lifted my head and looked towards the door to see if he was serious, since his voice suggested he was. "What?"

He gave me a suggestive smirk. "Why do you think I really read those books? Reading pleasure, sure, but also the lacking of other pleasure. Tends to take away my own from time to time." He raised one eyebrow, his smirk widening, before opening the door and taking off, shutting the door behind himself.

Holy crap, did he really just say that? Wow. Never thought him capable of that. Had I not had sex with the man, I'd've thought him completely immune to erections, but uh…wow. Talented, I was, indeed.

But, all I could do now was lie there and try not to think of him so that I could recover from my own little happy moment otherwise, I'd be lying there with OODs (Orgasm Over Doses) 24/7, forever. Great as that did sound, God knew I had other things to worry about too, unfortunately.

Son of a bitch, being an adult really did suck. All I could do now was count down the seconds till we could have sex again. One Mississippi…two Mississippi…three Mississippi…dear God, this was going to be one hell of a long-ass countdown. Unfortunately, something told me I'd be reaching for those damn books pretty soon here.


	4. Chapter 4

After skimming through countless Western novels, which proved to be pointless since they all only reminded me of Dimitri, which just turned me on even more, I found out that nothing seemed to work on this damn overactive body of mine. Son of a bitch.

And, of course, anything that reminded me of Dimitri turned me on and everything I saw reminded me of Dimitri, so I made the only decision I could.

I slammed the book, right as I reached the part where the stupid cowboys had gotten off their damn horses, yelled, "Draw," and pulled their guns on each other. Dear God, this crap was killing me; how the hell could he read this stuff for fun? I mean, come on, seriously. Show me, where exactly was the fun part?

I chucked it across the room, making it into his bag pretty easily, considering my bad-ass dhampir reflexes—you know, one of these days my damn cockiness was gonna get my ass killed, but until then…

My whole body was trembling as I scrambled to get to my hands and knees, crawling towards the edge of the bed, taking care to not fall off. Last thing I needed was Dimitri to come back and find me damn near unconscious on the floor just because I couldn't keep my damn hormones under control and force my legs to remember how the hell to work properly.

"Oh, God," I groaned, my arms shaking as I struggled to support my weight.

I eventually managed to stand up, grabbing onto the nightstand for support, as I chuckled softly, deliriously. "Who says sex makes a person completely useless, huh?" I choked out, as I raked a hand through my hair, trying to untangle the worst of the mess.

Figuring I'd have more luck with that task in the shower, I forced my legs to walk me forward toward a bathroom.

I turned the corner to come face-to-face with a mirror. I started slightly at the sight, but for the most part, noticed I looked pretty damn good for the whole first thing in the morning look thing I had going on.

"Damn," I breathed, brushing my hair back away from my face. "I'd pay good money to see any other chick who looks this freakin' hot first thing in the morning, I tell you. No make-up, hair's all in disarray, and dear God, let's not even get started…on those black circles under my eyes, but even so…I am still one hell of a sexy ass bitch."

I raised my eyebrows approvingly at my reflection before turning towards the shower and turning the knobs on, adjusting them until I got the temperature just right. I had it damn near ice freakin' cold at first, stepping in right under the shower head, reveling in the sensation of the freezing cold against my burning skin.

It felt like a waterfall of melting icicles cascading down upon me, relieving me of any horniness that had still remained within me. Not completely, of course, but enough to bring me back to reality so that I could support my own weight without any trouble.

The longer I was in there, and the more my horniness went away, I was able to readjust the knobs to a little warmer, and a little warmer, until it was just a little bit hotter than I could tolerate—I'd always enjoyed scalding showers, I don't know why—and then I turned my back to the water, letting it drench me.

My hair, my skin, everything was drenched by the water, the water running down my skin in little rivulets. God, it felt so damn good. I forgot, since the last day or two of my life had been spent revolving utterly and completely around sex with Dimitri. Can you really blame me; I mean come on!

My hands smoothed my hair down, as the water poured down upon me, my fingers working to untangle it and my head tilted back to make it easier, my eyes shutting to avoid getting water in my eyes and my mouth falling open to maintain whatever oxygen supply I had left while having water flooding my lungs technically.

I turned around to face the showerhead again, pulling my hair around my shoulder, my hands now massaging the back of my neck, massaging out whatever kinks and knots and other tension I still had left in there. Which was not much, considering sex with Dimitri was always the best damn medicine for every tension there freakin' was.

I reached for the shampoo and, after squeezing some into my hand, began lathering it in my hair and skin, enjoying the feel of being clean. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade those days of sex for anything, but it was nice to be all squeaky clean again. It was quite refreshing.

I finally finished, letting the shower wash the suds out of my hair and off of my skin. I stayed there even after I was technically done, just soaking in the shower, both for the hell of it and to avoid that damn talk with Adrian that I was oh, dear God so dreading.

When I finished with everything, I made to reach for the knobs to turn them off, when I felt Dimitri behind me, his arm snaking tightly around my waist, pulling me tightly against him, his other hand tracing up my forearm to grip tightly at the inside of my elbow while his lips just barely touched the exposed skin of the back of my neck.

I stiffened up, my head lolling weakly against his chest, as I tried desperately to not react to "him", himself.

"Oh, God," I breathed, my efforts to recover from my own turned-on-ed-ness shot to total crap just like that as his hand traced across my skin, down my waist, along the outside of my leg and back up and down again.

"Hello, you," he whispered, his lips smiling against my skin, before he began tracing them around to the side of my neck.

"Dimitri," I managed to sound irritated, I was quite proud of myself. "I can't do this right now—I have to—I told you—I—he wants—I need—oh, God—"

"Come on, Roza," he said, almost a challenging note to his voice, and I did not quite get the challenge until his hand suddenly reached up, gripping me tightly in between my legs, squeezing me passionately, making me grunt out of both surprise and ecstasy as I began writhing against him in response.

Oh, God…

Like that, he grabbed my wrists and, with his uber fast and bad-ass dhampir movements of his, he jerked me around and slammed me against the shower wall, pinning me there by my wrists. My head slammed hard against the wall, ricocheting off almost immediately, though I felt no pain at all from the collision. If anything, the damn thing just spurred me on even more.

He pressed himself against me so that his face was mere inches from mine, tilting his head from side to side slightly, taunting me with his damn proximity. "Aren't you the one always saying that I need to…loosen up?" He paused in between his words to trace his hand up the length of my waist. "Not be…wound so…tight?" Oh, God, speaking of tight…

"Take a break from all that…responsibility and just…live for you…live for me…for us…for once…in our lives, Roza. Let's live for us. It shouldn't be this…hard, you know?"

"You don't say," I said, my voice cracking in between the words, as I shifted myself against him—against his erection, reveling in that sensation, stifling a moan—"Gotta say…I sure as hell don't hate it."

He smirked at the double meaning of my words, before shaking his head and tracing his other hand down from my wrist down—very painfully slowly—down my arm until he could reach easily and cup my face in the palm of his hand.

"Didn't mean those words literally, but if that's what it takes to get you off, then by all means, take it any way you see fit."

A delirious smile played across my lips. "In all fairness here, Comrade…there is nothing about you that does not get me off."

He chuckled softly, but it sounded more like a guttural growl, turning me on even more. "I know how that is." His hand traced slowly across my skin, just exploring the miles and miles of exposed skin to him, doing nothing but. "God, I love this body." He spoke the words so softly, so lovingly, his eyes following his hand as he took in every inch of that skin.

Had to admit. I could definitely understand his infatuation with it. Sometimes I was hot enough to turn myself on a little bit, but he turned me on a hell of a lot more.

"Yeah," I chuckled, "right back at you." To prove my point, I placed my hands on his pecs and began exploring his skin in turn. My hands stopped on his stomach and I pressed hard against him, pressing him against the other wall. "Doesn't mean I don't have to go, though."

His hands moved around to clutch desperately at my back as his lips lowered to meet mine. "Doesn't mean you do either."

"Dimitri—" my protest was smothered off by his lips crushing hard against mine, as he held me tighter in his arms, pressing me against him. His hands tangled in my hair, his fingers twining with the individual strands as they worked to separate them for me, and his lips became fused to mine practically.

The shower was still going, now drenching the both of us. God, I never realized how damn fucking hot he looked wet. In every sense of the word, sure, but something about those water droplets collecting in the distinctions of his six-pack and his pecs and the contours of his arms and back and chest was just oh dear God, way too much.

I pulled away from his lips only oh too soon and just stared at him, my eyes locked on his as I moved even further away. I noticed a look of protest cross his features, but it immediately disappeared as he saw what I intended to do.

My hands traced down his pecs across that skin of his, smearing the water droplets across his skin, wiping the most of them off, but whatever they couldn't get, my lips were bound and determined to. I lowered my head to his chest and began sucking off whatever droplets my hands had missed.

He allowed me to do just that for a good long while, not stopping me, not assisting me, not doing anything really, but rather just standing there, or rather slouching there since he couldn't really hold his own weight right now. He just let me do my thing, not really knowing what to expect, not really caring. Every so often a moan or sigh or my name would escape his lips, but for the most part, he didn't really say much else, kind of incapable of much else, given the circumstances.

After a while though, he lifted his leg, resting his foot on the side of the tub, and hoisting me up to rest me on his knee, bringing me up to somewhat eye level with him—or rather, as much eye level as I could get, anyway. He grabbed onto my arms tightly, gripping my upper arms so tightly in his hands, as he brought his lips to mine, doing anything and everything he could to deepen the kiss.

He began shifting me hard against him, anything to increase that friction, smiling against my lips as he did so. His arms held me even closer, his body pressing against my own, every inch of our skin completely connected. Well…not completely, but God, were we getting there.

He clutched me closer and closer, deepening the kiss, before releasing me, setting me on my feet, and he brought me to directly under the showerhead.

I waited to see exactly what he would do, knowing that it would definitely be good, my eyes locked on his, my chest heaving with my forced, ragged breaths and with my anticipation.

Gripping my hair passionately in his hands, he pulled my head back slowly to expose my chest a hell of a lot more, before burying his lips in my cleavage, his lips and teeth and tongue tasting and exploring every inch of my skin there, definitely taking his time in doing so to revel in his part in this.

I let out a cry of surprised ecstasy, definitely not expecting that out of him, but definitely not complaining about it either. Dear God, was I so not complaining about it.

His hands moved down to clutch my waist desperately, holding my waist tightly in between his hands, his nails digging deep into my skin as he shifted himself against me to completely ravage every inch of me that there was to be ravaged.

When he finished with that, he pulled away to look at me, his eyes penetrating me through to my very core like they always did, and my hands went up to tangle in his hair, which was hanging around his face as usual, making him look oh, so hot, considering he was wet. Oh, God, no don't do it. I knew immediately I'd think wrong about that.

Some water droplets dripped off of his hair, landing on my neck and rolling down the skin of throat slowly—and I wanna say—seductively.

He definitely noticed that and a smirk played on his lips as he lowered his parted lips to the skin of throat to first kiss the skin there before using the tip of his tongue to lick off that trail of water droplets. Oh, God…Oh…God…

Okay, didn't see that coming…

Oh, God, speaking of…coming…

Oh…God…coming me is I are…dear God…

Right as I felt him penetrate me, right as I felt him burying himself inside of me…I reached my climax. God, why is it that every damn time I did this it only seemed to get better and better? Maybe because I had gotten the hang of it and my orgasms were a hell of a lot more natural now. Plus, they seemed to be a hell of a lot more intense for some reason.

He never did change our position, so he was resting my weight against his forearms, holding the most of my weight, even as I shifted against him, seemingly having no trouble with the task. He continued on, pushing himself further inside of me, rocking hard and fast against me.

Within seconds, he was releasing himself into me, and I could feel him squirming inside me, throbbing intensely, as his orgasm was reached, meeting mine full-on.

"Unh…" I grunted, my hands clenching hard into fists at his back, my nails digging hard into his flesh and dragging down his back as his lips made their way up to my throat.

Oh, God. Me is now are dying of overcoming-ness. Oh, my dear sweet Lord.

One of his hands clutched the back of my neck tightly, pressing it hard against his lips, using that for leverage so as to not drop me most likely, since I could feel his body trembling against my own and I had learned to recognize the difference between weak tremble and turned-on tremble with him.

I let out a sigh as his lips eventually made their way up to my own. His parted lips touched mine and it was almost as if he didn't realize he had reached them and was still searching for them, as he would merely brush them against mine briefly before moving them to my cheek and nose and then back again.

He eventually allowed our lips to meet and he deepened the kiss, just holding me in his arms as he kissed me.

It wasn't until the shower turned ice cold, snapping us out of our own little world of sex—which I was wished to God I never had to leave—that we both realized just how long we had been in there. Huh. Guess a cold shower really did diminish one's horniness. Not too much, though, considering that the slightest of movements and we'd fall right back into that shower and sex ourselves up yet again.

His arms were still holding me tightly against him, his lips still touching mine, not actually kissing me, but just touching. Both our lips were parted against the other's as we had to fight both the water showering down on us and our own arousals to manage to breathe right now. Both of our chests were heaving with the effort it took to breathe, given our condition.

My arms were wrapped around his waist, my hands clutching desperately at his shoulder blades.

He shifted his weight, stumbling slightly, pushing me forward with him, but he caught himself on the shower wall with one hand, his other arm wrapped securely around my waist.

He chuckled softly at himself. "You okay?"

"Am I ever," I breathed, chuckling at his clumsiness with him. Guess I just bring it out in him. I was the only chick hot enough to bring a freakin' idol of the gods…to his knees. And, he to mine, but that's beside the point.

His hands fumbled behind me to turn off the water, but he pressed me against the wall and just held me there, pinning me in place with his hands.

He leaned his head in, like he intended to kiss me, but he stopped just as his lips reached mine and he choked out, very regrettably, "We should go. Much as I would love to keep you to myself and just be with you and never stop making up for those lost times of ours, Roza…you have other people that need you just as much as I do. Your friends. They really miss you."

"Ugh," I groaned. "Dear God. Don't make me go. I don't want to. I just wanna…I don't know, lie in your arms and—" As I said those words, my hands traced slowly up and down his arms to make my point. "—sex you up good and long for, like, a month. Non-stop. You'd think they'd understand."

"They do," he pointed out. "But…so do I…Rose. I can't be completely selfish here. Just go and…spend a day with them. Just one day. Then, come back and we can…pick up right where we left off. It's just not fair to cut them out just for me, I won't let you."

"Wasn't gonna anyway," I said, narrowing my eyes at him, "however the coming I cannot control, since it's in the damn offing already."

He sighed irritably and released me, pulling away from me in order to let us both think at least semi-clearly.

I laughed softly. "Come on, Comrade, I was kidding. I do have some self-control over my hormones. Not much, but enough. Which is why I'm leaving right here and now. That, and Lissa keeps screaming in my head for me to stop screwing you already and go spend some quality time with her. Need a damn mute button on that girl."

He grabbed my wrist to stop me from actually leaving the shower and when I turned to look at him, he pulled me to him, kissing me. This wasn't a hard-core passionate "let's-get-it-on" kind of kiss that we had been having, and while those were amazing all on their own, this one was just…loving and sweet.

The kiss deepened and he held me in his arms, and while the underlying desire was definitely still there, this was just about sharing the love and bond between us, nothing sexual.

Once he released me, he rested his forehead against mine, our lips still touching as he spoke. "I love you," he reminded me, probably in case I had forgotten or whatever.

I smiled against his lips. "I love you. And, nothing…will ever change that." I said, touching my fingertips lightly to his chin. "Believe me, I've tried. Time…and time again to not love you. Does not work."

He returned the smile, though his was more timid. "Good to know. That even after everything, I'm still enough to be yours. Thought I lost that right when I lost my mind."

"Oh, even as Strigoi, I still managed to love you. Anyone ever tell you you are freakin' hot when you're evil?"

He grimaced. "No, you would be the first."

I smiled and forced my arms to release him. "Not like you ever had anything to worry about," I let him know. "I'm the one that had the insecurity issues, beats me why the hell you had yours."

"What insecurities did you have," he asked, clearly doubting my words.

"Being seven years younger didn't help for one, you know? When you could've had any hot chick your own age…you settled for me."

"No, Roza…" his fingertips trailed along my jawbone. "Having them would've been settling. You…are something else altogether."

"Damn straight," I agreed, now stepping out of the shower and picking up a towel. I towel dried my hair and wrapped it around myself before turning to face him, only to find him right behind me.

I noticed he was now blocking the exit, where my clothes were. Oh, no, not again…

" 'M I gonna have to take you down, Comrade, to get to my clothes, cause I think you'll find my already bad-ass right hook…has greatly improved. Just dyin' to test it out on someone. You volunteering or?..."

He smiled, "Maybe later, Rose."

"And…now?..." I asked, trying to figure out what he wanted.

"Now what?" he asked, clearly not understanding.

"No, you now what?" I insisted. I had asked first, damn it.

"I now what what?" he asked, confusing me even more.

"Oh, man, don't do that," I said, shoving my way past him. "Confuses the hell out of me and my brain's already a little on the fried side. Ha! That rhymed." I noted. "If you have a valid point, could you make it already please; I'm a little off my game today."

"Just taking in the view, Rose," he let me know, actually reminding me of…

"Did you talk to Adrian yet?"

He grimaced slightly. "O…kay," he said, with a nervous laugh. "Not quite the reaction I was expecting to be real honest with you."

"No, no." I assured him, placing a hand on his pec. "I didn't mean to—it's just that when you said—oh, God never mind. Just…have you talked to him yet?"

"Yeah," he said.

"And?" I pushed.

"And, he didn't want me to tell you anything. He wants to speak you—"

"Actual-face-to-actual-face, yeah I know," I said bitterly, annoyed that they wouldn't tell me anything. "God. Okay, so what are you gonna do?"

He shrugged. "Go guard Lissa and Christian, I suppose? Not ideal, but one's better than nothing."

He had a point. "Oh, God." I had too much to worry about; it was killing me. "Sorry, I—I'll be right there to take over, I promise, I just really need to talk to Adrian, I promised him I would."

He put a hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, I know. It's fine, Rose. Go ahead."

"Okay." I stopped talking after that so that I could focus on getting dressed and getting the hell out of there to get this the hell over with so that I could get the hell under Dimitri again already.

Once I was dressed, I turned to face Dimitri, who was now lounging on the bed, watching me in utter fascination, and I said, "So…everything went all right then? With you and Adrian, I mean?"

He shrugged. "More or less."

"What; less? What, what less?" I asked, frantically.

"The less of him not being able to have you," he let me know. "More for me, yes, but…even I've gotta feel bad for the poor kid."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not helping. Save the damn flattery, I can't handle that right now. Much as I want to. Oh, God…I really have to go. God help me."

"Hey," he called to me, in a soft voice, trying to calm me down. "Come here." He gestured for me to go to him, and despite my better judgment…I obliged.

Taking me by my shoulders, he leaned in and placed a very soft, very gentle, very sweet kiss on my lips. "You'll be fine," he assured me, as he pulled away. "I know you will."

"Yeah, thanks," I said, as I rose to my feet. "See you around." He squeezed my hand gently, before releasing it completely and watching me leave the room.


	5. Chapter 5

After searching for what seemed like forever, I finally found Adrian in some open field thingy looking up at the open sky, gazing up at the stars. He looked quite thoughtful—surprising for him, I've gotta say—and almost completely at peace. Weird for him, I've gotta say. Oh, God, was he stoned? I didn't want to have this damn conversation with him if he wasn't himself.

I noticed a shooting star, streaking across the sky, and almost immediately his eyes slid shut and he sighed, almost out of total contentment.

"What'd you wish for?" I finally asked, startling him and making him whip around to face me.

"If I say it, it won't come true," he reminded me, a smirk playing on his lips. "Everyone knows that. Besides…let's just say I have everything I could ask for right here, right now, in the form of Rosemarie Hathaway. What more could a man really ask for?"

I chuckled softly, slightly surprised at how calm he was. "You look good," I noted. Not that I should really expect anything different, but still. Felt the acknowledgement would do him well, anyway.

He turned to face me fully and shrugged slightly. "Well, what more do you really expect, little dhampir? I mean, hello, it's me. Not like I actually have to make an effort to look just downright freakin' hot, just comes naturally to me."

I smirked and nodded. "Naturally. God, maybe if I had myself a good dose of naturally in my life, I'd be doing all right for myself, you know? I mean…I'd be that natural, normal girl with a natural, normal best friend, and a natural, normal boyfriend, and all that heartache I was put through could've been so easily avoided."

He snorted. "Oh, Rose. You are far too unique to ever be considered a natural, normal girl. I've been with those kinds of chicks and after a while, you just get bored. It's the same repetitive shit over and over again with those girls. They do the same crap…and expect you to react differently every…damn…time. But, with you…a man never knows what to expect out of you. Hardly a natural, normal thing, I assure you. That's what makes you so appealing. To everyone."

"A good point," I pointed out. "I throw everyone off their games, it's great."

"Great, it is," he said, with a nod of his head.

We just stared at each other for a long moment, both waiting for the other person to speak, but it never happened. So, I eventually went for it.

"Look, Adrian, I—"

"Don't…Rose," he cut me off. "You…don't have to do this."

"Do what?" I asked, appalled. "You're the one that said I have to know why. So I'm telling you my why first. Ladies first, you know…chivalry, all that misogynistic crap suggesting that chicks aren't good for anything and can't do a damn thing for themselves. Think a guy like you would dig that. Be fighting to play the role of my knight in shining armor. You were well prepared for that fight before and now—"

"Now…it's kind of pointless. It's always been pointless, Rose, I'm just acknowledging it now. I never met any qualifications to be your guy. Yes, I wanted to. Yes, if you said: 'Let's the ditch the guy and get our asses eloped' then hell knows I'd be all kinds of for it, believe me. I'd ditch his ass like you wouldn't believe. Throw a damn quarter in the ditch and then you push him in the ditch, and God knows it'd be only way too easy."

I couldn't help but laugh at that image. Please, even I could never make Dimitri fall for that, much less Adrian.

"Anyone who thinks Dimitri easy to take down has obviously never come up against the man," I pointed out.

He smirked. "You did it."

I flinched. "You think that was easy? That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, Adrian, hunting down the man I love…to kill him. Hardly qualifies as ABCs, 123s level."

"No, Rose…you did something even harder than that. You didn't kill him…you saved him. You saved his very soul. So yeah, if you've got yourself the juice to pull that off, I ain't putting nothing past you."

"Why?" I insisted, not wanting to discuss that any further.

"Ah," he said, as if just barely realizing why I came here just now. "Might wanna avert your eyes, little one."

"I—what? Why?" I demanded.

"Because you hate awkward situations and I don't wanna put you through the terrible ordeal of handling that awkwardness."

"What awkwardness?" I sighed impatiently. "Adrian, what the hell is going on?"

"Rose, dear God, turn away. For your sake here—and the sake of my face, though I'm pretending that's beside the point here—just do it."

"Adrian, for the sake of your damn face, tell me what's going on."

"You promise you won't hit me? Or yell at me? Or pull off any…of my valuables?" His eyes darted rapidly down to his pants, before coming back up to meet my eyes.

"Not if you start talkin', I won't, now what the hell is going on?"

"Okay…um," he began inching away from me, looking very much scared for his life. "Okay…I love you. Like love-love. And, please God don't kill me."

A valid fear, I must say. But, in all fairness…

"I'm not gonna kill you, Adrian," I assured him, taking a couple of steps toward him. "That's, um—" I searched desperately for the right word. "Yeah. Um…thank you?" God, what the hell else was I supposed to say? "Doesn't really explain everything though. I'm assuming the loving me is the why, yes?"

He nodded.

"Well, wouldn't you fight harder and be all bound and determined to win over my heart and crap? Or…whatever…"

He smiled slightly. "Hardly. This isn't a fairytale. Your heart never could've been mine, even had you wanted to give it to me. Cause it's always belonged to him. I know that. I'm not stupid. Rose…this is reality. And, in reality…I love you too much to fight for you. I want you to be happy. Even if that means you can't be happy with me, then so be it. And, that is why I'm backing down."

"Because you love me...?" I was still confused. Part of me didn't want him to back down. I didn't want to be with him, but I did still want to do something for him. But, I didn't wanna give him the wrong idea, and…

"Right," he cut into my thoughts. "Because I love you. And, he loves you. And, you love him. Not me. I'm okay with that. Rose, after seeing what you went through to get him back, all the heartache, all the agony…I couldn't bear to be the one to try to take that away from you. That would only hurt you. So…any pain I have to endure to make you happy or whatever, any cross I have to bear…bring the damn thing on."

Wow. Okay. He was not kidding when he said it was awkward. Oh, God. What the hell was I supposed to say to the guy?

"No…" I choked out, "You don't have to…bring on damn…cross bear thingy. Not necessary. God, Adrian, I'm…I'm so sorry. I had no idea that you were actually in love with me. I thought you were just all about the sex."

Blunt, but true.

He smiled. "With you, little dhampir, wouldn't mind being all about the sex. But, whatever that connection that you and Belikov share might be…is the exact same one that I feel I share with you. You might not feel it…but I do. And, dear God, is it powerful. It's freakin' hard-core."

Yeah. He wasn't kidding with that one.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, running out of things to say.

"Don't be," he shrugged. "Not like you can help who you fall for, right? If you could, the world would probably be such a better place. People wouldn't go around gankin' each other for some random chick or dude. Saying it's worth it and they're so special and they're the only one and blah blah blah.

"I used to think that no one could possibly be worth such grief. No chick is that hot and definitely no guy is hotter than me. We're just people…you know? Nothing really special about anyone. Yeah, we're all different in our own little ways or whatever, but why kill someone for the sake of someone else when that someone else just might the everything of that someone? _And_ vice versa."

I snorted. "Okay, dude, seriously, you just totally lost me. I have no idea what the hell you're trying to say."

He shrugged. "To sum up, yeah, I love you, but you love him. He loves you. You're his everything. He's yours. And, I don't wanna responsible for taking away someone's everything; that'd be kinda suck-ish. Then, they'd have nothing."

"And, what about your everything?" I challenged.

"My everything is already somebody else's everything. I'm a little too late with the claiming of my everything. But, it's okay. I wouldn't have it any other way, little dhampir. Maybe I'll find my other real everything somewhere else. Or maybe I'll just go back to sexing up random chicks or whatever, I don't know. Either way, my pain will go away in time. Yours, however…cannot. Not without him. And same goes for him. You two are just some needy-clingy-ass bitches, what can I say?"

Normally, I would've retorted or smacked him or something for that, but right now I was too stunned to really react the proper Rose Hathaway style, unfortunately.

"Adrian—" God, I was more of a bitch that I really realized. "Thank you," I eventually settled for that, pulling him into a hug, holding him close.

"In case you're getting any ideas," he warned, his lips in my hair, "about kissing me in gratitude or whatever, you should just know, I'm not gonna let you. You don't wanna kiss me, not really. I know that. And, you know what, I not really don't want you to kiss me either. Not like this. So just do us both a favor and don't. You don't owe me anything. You don't have to do anything. Just be happy, Rose. That is seriously the best and only gratitude I want from you."

I pulled away to look him in the eyes and he nodded again, making me smile. " 'Kay." He was right. I didn't really want to kiss him. So, I sure as hell wouldn't; I didn't want to make matters worse, and that would be the only thing to come of it.

I held him a moment longer before releasing him and saying, "I love you, too, Adrian. Not like you do…obviously. But, in a certain way, I do love you. I consider you a dear friend. A pain-in-the-ass, sure, but after what you've done for me I can hack it."

He chuckled softly. "Good to know, little dhampir." He threw an arm casually around my shoulders and began leading us off. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, Lissa and Christian have gotten us some lunch and I'm starving. That burger place down the road…oh, dear God. I nearly had a damn orgasm from the burger itself, it was so amazing."

I snorted. " 'd you save me one?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Let's go find out."

"Just give me the damn burger, Liss," I heard Christian whine once Adrian and I had found them. Lissa was sitting Indian style on the ground, leaning away from Christian and holding the burger out of his reach. He was reaching across her, trying to get the burger from her, but she shifted so that he couldn't.

"No, back off!" She warned. "This one's for Rose; you already had yours."

"So, she can go off and get herself another one. Come on, I'm hungry. Please?"

My eyes were frozen though on Dimitri—unexpectedly—standing in the corner, staying out of their way and doing that guardian staring off into space thing. God, I can't believe that how much I missed that look on him. So familiar and so…just so.

God, there was no word to accurately describe just how great it was to see it on him. I just basked in that, my eyes just frozen on him, just drinking in every little aspect and differentiation of his features.

I thought I saw the slightest of smiles twitching at the corners of his lips as I walked in, but he composed his face into his perfect guardian mask of indifference almost immediately.

Lissa and Christian still hadn't noticed our entrance though, so they were still fighting over that burger. Christian got it from her pretty easily and as he made to take a huge bite out of it, I slammed his head down onto it so that he wound up biting his tongue as a result.

"Rose, you bitch," he choked out, glaring at me. Or so I would assume, it was kind of muffled around his food and kind of hard to understand.

"I'm the bitch, you're the asshole that stole my burger. What's fair about that?" I pointed out.

"Rose!" Lissa stood up and threw herself into my arms, so hard that she practically knocked me over. "God, I've missed you."

She held onto me tightly for a moment longer before releasing me and taking me by my arms. "Are you okay? I mean after everything? Especially with the whole spirit thing, any side effects or anything or...?"

"No," I assured her. "No, nothing. I'm fine. Promise. But, forget about me already, huh; how are you? This had to have been so hard for you."

"Not so much," she contradicted. "Only for like a second before you took it from me and now I've got nothing. No problems. Since you put those damn problems into yourself."

"Well," I said, with a shrug, "it's my job to keep your ass safe; what else am I good for if not to take away all that crap? I'm tough; I can handle it."

"No…you can't." She insisted. "I won't let you. We can just find a way around it. I'm not dying or going crazy; you're not dying or going crazy. We're both safe and happy and as perfect as we can be anyway."

"No such thing as perfect, Liss, and if it comes down to it, I take it. You're not living with that crap in you;_ I_ won't let _you_. I'll find a way to take it away, whether that means putting it in me or however the hell it works. It will work. I'll make the damn thing work."

"Over my dead body," she protested stubbornly.

"No, over mine." I reminded her. We both knew full well how the system works. If anyone has to die, it's me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

"Oooooookay, you two," Adrian said, coming up behind us and wrapping an arm around both of us, with his usual smirk on his face. "Enough already, huh? We all know that nobody would want you two anyway, not once they take a look at my epic face. Then, they won't even glance at you two."

"Man's got a point," Christian said, around a mouthful of burger. "I mean…they'd probably rather take that ugly-ass thing out of the world and do us a favor."

Adrian reached over and nudged Christian with his elbow, making him snort. Lissa and I laughed and looked at each other, pulling each other into another hug, clinging to one another for a moment longer than before. God, I had missed this so much. Having it all. Lissa, Adrian and Christian—pains-in-the-asses that they might be—and of course…most importantly…Dimitri…

Speaking of Dimitri, he was still standing in that damn corner, not talking. Oh, God. Don't tell me he was keeping his distance out of guilt or whatever.

"Liss," I whispered in Lissa's ear, hoping he didn't hear me, "why is Dimitri being so stand-off-ish? Please tell me he still doesn't blame himself for—"

"Wouldn't I like to know," she whispered back. "Tried talkin' to him to ask before, but he wouldn't exactly talk…to anyone. Think he does still feel a little guilty. It's easy for him to apologize to you, he's comfortable with you, but with us…not so much. Never really talked to him outside of formalities, you know? How do you apologize to someone you hardly know? Not that easy."

"God, that's what I was afraid of," I muttered, pulling away from her and mouthing, "One second," before walking over to him cautiously.

"Rose, I know what you're going to say and I'm just going to tell you right here and now, that it's not going to work." Dimitri let me know, the second I had reached him.

"Hey, you might know what I'm gonna say, but you have no idea how the hell I'm gonna say it, so don't knock it till you've heard it, okay? Let me speak and then express your opinions, 'kay?"

He just stared at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Thank you," I said, "Okay, so something tells me you're over here out of guilt? 'M I right?"

"Hardly," he contradicted. "I'm over here, Rose…to do my job. To look out for them and keep them safe at any and all costs."

"I see," I mumbled, nodding my head, in mock understanding. "Right. And…is that really necessary?"

"Meaning what?"

Meaning that, even if Strigoi knew you were back, they wouldn't come lookin' for you to take you on. According to them, you are still Strigoi. And, you were one hell of a bad-ass Strigoi. Yeah, you were a bad-ass all along from day one, but still. Now the Strigoi world not only hesitate taking you on, Comrade…they actually fear you. You held yourself a whole lot of power and respect in that world. Something tells me that even if they came around here, my nausea would be key enough to alert us well in advance anyway, and between the two of us, we could kick ourselves a whole lot of ass even if they got the upper hand at first."

He just stared at me. "Rose—"

"Don't give me that responsibility crap, Dimitri. I think it is safe to say that we both have gave enough of ourselves to that damn world already. Plus, I think between the two of us, we could guard all three of them pretty damn easily. Weren't you the one who said that we needed to cut ourselves out of that world completely anyway? This is us…cutting. You look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't think we can handle this, no matter what they throw at us. At least for a good long while. So long as they don't know that you're back, we could go…anywhere, do anything. You know we could."

"I might know that, Rose, but that doesn't mean I can just—" he cut himself off momentarily. "I feel like after everything I did, I owe something back to this world. Like I will forever be in debt to them to compensate for the destruction I caused. I will never have a moment's peace, Rose, it's not that easy."

I blew a raspberry. "No, it is that easy. It's become that easy because we have given so damn much of ourselves to this damn world already, Dimitri. This is our time to something for ourselves. We're still giving to them by watching out for them and keeping them safe, we're just doing it on our terms. Hardly gives 'em reason to complain. We protect them, we kick ass, we have it all, dude, we're all kinds of bad."

He chuckled softly, clearly running out of arguments, "God, Rose, you really do have all the answers for everything, don't you?"

"Eh, I try," I said, with a shrug. "Look, my point is…that yes, while we have to be on our guard at all times…that doesn't mean we have to sacrifice our own damn happiness for their sake. You taught me that. That's what got us here in the first place. I'm not taking anything…for granted anymore, Comrade, least of all, you."

"So, then…what are you suggesting?" he asked, crossing his arms stubbornly across his chest.

"I am suggesting…that you stop being all…hard-core guardian about this and join me in the soft-core guardian vicinity."

I caught the double meaning of those words, and stifled a snort, making him merely shake his head.

"Sorry. I'm immature, leave me alone. Okay, but anyway, the point is…that…why don't you come over here and hang with me and my friends for a bit, huh? We're gonna be stuck with them for a long-ass time, might as well get to know each other a little better. Swap stories, get comfortable with each other, you know, much of the works as we can squeeze in anyway."

He sighed impatiently, but nodded and took my outstretched hand anyway and followed my lead over to the group. "We'll talk about this further later," he muttered into my ear.

"Sure we will," I said, with a snort, as we now reached everyone.

"So…" I said, starting out the conversation as Adrian and Christian now righted themselves and Christian finished the last of his burger—or rather, my burger—like nothing happened.

"Now, that everything's as normal as it can be for us again…" I said, with a laugh, launching us into a conversation that just went on and on and on until we saw the sun about to break the horizon.

"Um…you guys should probably…hit the sack," I pointed out, gesturing with my head towards that rising sun. "The sun's coming up, it'd probably be best if you weren't outside when that happened, you know?"

"Girl's got a point," Adrian pointed out. "All right, we'll hit the sack. Just gotta go find that lucky girl to hit it with." Lissa smacked his arm, making him laugh. "Kidding," he said, between laughs.

"All right, well, night, Rose," Lissa said, standing up and coming over to hug me. Adrian hugged me too, before they all left, going off in their own separate directions.

"So," Dimitri began once they had all left, "was that our cue to begin the sex-having or?..." I laughed at my speech that had rubbed off on him.

"Sounds like a plan to me," I agreed, as he smiled, hoisted me up in his arms, and his lips met mine in a kiss as he somehow got us back to the room.

Within seconds, we were both completely naked, our limbs twining together and our bodies moving and writhing against each other's, becoming very much one person just as we shared one soul practically. God, it was so amazing. Every time just got so much better…

"Roza," he would breathe repeatedly against my skin, "I love you." Over and over again he would say the words.

"I love you," I would assure him again and again.

God, this just felt oh, so good. To have him back. To have back my everything. Life, itself, might be a bitch…but somehow…things do seem to have a funny way of working themselves out. And, when they do, all that pain…all that suffering…just seems pointless. Definitely worth it.

I'd go through it all a million times over if it meant I could have him to myself, with Lissa. I know I didn't; I had given far too much of myself already and something told me fate was giving me something in return for endurance and strength and persistence. It was giving me back the only thing it knew I had always ever wanted.

It gave me back my life—in every sense of the word—by giving me back that everything. And, at such a small, small price…


End file.
